Many of you know that I wrecked our car last week. I was not texting! I knew I had hurt my knee somehow but had no idea that I would end up with a fractured knee cap. I keep saying, "Who breaks their knee cap???" But clearly the answer is me and a surprising number of people that either I know or someone I know, knows. Fortunately at this point, its nothing more serious. Thank you Lord!
I'm just going to be honest... it hurts! A LOT!!! I pretend I'm tough because anything else makes me feel like a baby. I try not to take the pain medicine because it makes me so sleepy. My muscles around it are bothering me because I can't use them. I have a hard time doing anything. There is no waiting until the last minute to shower, get down the stairs or even go to the restroom. Everything takes much longer. It's a ten or fifteen minute process just to get out of bed.
I end up having some sort of emotional breakdown almost daily. Sometimes the breakdown is because I haven't taken enough of my pain medicine and the pain becomes overwhelming. Sometimes its because of my anxiety over the accident and surrounding issues. We have to find a new vehicle (although they haven't said yet that it's definitely totaled.) Of course, as most do, I have tremendous anxiety over the financial end of things. Sometimes its because I'm frustrated with all this. My frustration exists on several levels. I hate being in pain, as most people do. I get frustrated that my body won't let me do what it normally does. I hate feeling like an invalid! I hate the fact that Jimmy has to do everything for me. Or that if Jimmy and I are out somewhere, friends have to drive me home because I am in too much pain to stay. I need a pedicure or something but I can't reach my toes. I can't get a glass of water because I can't carry it back to where I was and work my crutches at the same time.
The Lord is clearly teaching me to lean on Him more. I sure thought that I had done that the whole time. But obviously there is still part of me desiring to do things in and of myself. So as I sit here dependent on everyone else, I'm listening.
Don't worry about anything. Instead, tell God about everything. Ask and pray. Give thanks to Him. Then God's peace will watch over your hearts and your minds because you belong to Christ Jesus. God's peace can never be completely understood. Phil. 4:6-7