The View from Here

Man, does the view of grace look different from here. Not that it should've looked different before, but the view on this side is a whole lot sweeter to me. It's similar to climbing a mountain. Once you can look back and see all the things that you battled on the way, things look different on the other side. Not that I have ever nor would I ever climb a literal mountain. But I know a few who have. I have climbed many the metaphorical mountain. I'm quite certain I am still climbing but I have reached a resting place for just a moment. If only for today, I'm resting. 

When you are in the middle of the mountain or even still at the bottom, its easy to think we know what to do. It's easy to suggest to others what they should do. We think we know what to tell others about how to climb their mountain. Which is interesting when they are climbing an entirely different mountain and have no experience in the particular one someone else is climbing. I know I have done it. In my stupidity and my ability to think I have things all figured out, I have done it. But once I get to the other side, I find myself realizing how little about ANY of it I knew in the first place. 

I did something not too long ago that I had never done before and truthfully thought I could not do. I spoke to a few friends who had done it because I kept thinking, "How did I get here?" Now what I'm talking about for this brief moment, was nothing bad at all. It was something actually God had been preparing me for but I thought it would only apply to others. I thought that I would learn things, of course, but I would never ultimately have to do THAT! Men make plans and God laughs. He must laugh at me a lot. I am probably equivalent to a great comedienne to Him. As I was preparing for my hill along the way, I was kinda irritated at the people that told me to do it. Why do I let people talk me into things? Then the words of Mordecai to Esther, "Who knows but that you were born for such a time as this?" Why do I think that God would give me things and then say, "No, no dear. Don't share those with anyone. They are just for you."

So for such a time as this, Lord let me show mercy. Let me show grace. I know how they feel when You have shown them to me and I'm so grateful. So, as a dear friend of mine puts it, let me get out of mercy's way. Let me never be a hinderance to broken soul in need. Use me Lord and give me words to say. Those who have had mercy and grace extended to them are much quicker to extend it to others. 

Romans 5:1-11 of the Message puts it in terms that resonate with me. 

By entering through faith into what God has always wanted to do for us—set us right with him, make us fit for him—we have it all together with God because of our Master Jesus. And that's not all: We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that He has already thrown open His door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God's grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.

There's more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit! Christ arrives right on time to make this happen. He didn't, and doesn't, wait for us to get ready. He presented himself for this sacrificial death when we were far too weak and rebellious to do anything to get ourselves ready. And even if we hadn't been so weak, we wouldn't have known what to do anyway. We can understand someone dying for a person worth dying for, and we can understand how someone good and noble could inspire us to selfless sacrifice. But God put his love on the line for us by offering his Son in sacrificial death while we were of no use whatever to him. Now that we are set right with God by means of this sacrificial death, the consummate blood sacrifice, there is no longer a question of being at odds with God in any way. If, when we were at our worst, we were put on friendly terms with God by the sacrificial death of His Son, now that we're at our best, just think of how our lives will expand and deepen by means of His resurrection life! Now that we have actually received this amazing friendship with God, we are no longer content to simply say it in plodding prose. We sing and shout our praises to God through Jesus, the Messiah!

The Best Christmas Presents

In this season of gift giving and all around general merriment, I've found myself overwhelmed and feeling a little less than merry for a number of reasons. I took a few moments today to look at the things that seem to make me the most frustrated. Then I took a few more to look at things that make me the most happy and feel the most love on this earth.

Friends that make me laugh!

Family I am insanely and ridiculously proud of

A love who stands by me through all the insanity we call our lives.

These are the things that are the most important. They far outweigh the things that frustrate even though they may be there every day. Of course none of these are as important as that baby that changed everything. Merry Christmas and may you always remember what is most important.

New Beginnings

I know, I know... it's been entirely too long since I last blogged. Hopefully the following will somewhat explain why. Bottom line? I just haven't had time.

Life for us has changed dramatically in the last 3 months. Jimmy and I have taken on new ministry opportunities that have changed the way we have functioned since we got married. In case you don't know, we are joining with my parents in a ministry the Lord gave my dad over 20 years ago, The Breakfast Club. When the Lord gives you a direction to go, you have to go no matter what you feel. We knew in May it was what we were supposed to do. Since talking with my parents and making this decision, the Lord has been faithful to confirm it to us time and time again when our feeble minds begin to doubt. We have seen God do things in the last 3 months that I think even surprised my parents, including a great place to live! Every time He does something else, we sit back wondering why we questioned in the first place. His ways are so much higher than ours. 

It has opened our eyes to the fact that much like our friends, Rod & Kelly, we have to move literally and metaphorically. Therefore, I daily find myself a myriad of emotions. I have times while in the middle of designing something (I deem fabulous haha) where I find myself completely overwhelmed, lonely, panicked or at complete peace. Sometimes all of them together and sometimes in the span of a 24 hour day. Sound crazy? It might be. The thing is, I probably am going to feel this every day for the next little while until we are settled into our new roles. The thing I keep hearing in my soul is, "Relax I've got this. I WILL take care of you." Thank goodness! If I had to do this myself, I wouldn't. It's not where my comfort lies. Yet that's how God gets us to the next level. The thing is, we have to be willing to set our fears, insecurities and pride aside and decide to follow His will. Remembering all the while that we may have to start over again. Not necessarily the beginning, but the next beginning. That makes it a little easier in the process.

So we have started again. Adjusting things because whom God calls, He fully equips. We will still sing as McMillan & Life so don't worry. But we start into processes we haven't been a part of before. We take on responsibilities we haven't before. And we move somewhere we haven't lived together before. Scary and so exciting! More emotions at once.

Scars

I headed back to my doctor last week to find out how my knee was doing. All in all, quite good. The bone is healed. Just still having more pain in the muscle and tissue around it than I'd like. He says this is all normal so that's good enough to me. Still doing a lot of physical therapy to try and get it all mobile again. For those of you who have had to do physical therapy, you know how dramatically un-fun the process is.

The interesting thing to me was this. When you looked closely at the x-ray of my healed knee cap, you could still see the line through it. It looked like someone had drawn on my x-ray with a pencil. It will be like that for the rest of my life. At that point, the Lord revealed something to me. Sometimes our healing, whether physical, emotional or spiritual, leaves scars. To the vain, this would be unpleasant. But to the believer, it allows an opportunity to share with someone. It lets us have an opportunity to say, "Hey you see what God did for me? I've been in a similar place as you are now and can tell you that He will do it for you too. Don't believe me? Just check out my scar." 

The next time you are frustrated about that situation or scar that just won't go away, thank God. You have something people can see with either physical eyes or spiritual eyes that you can share about how great God is.

While I Wait

So I have ventured into my fifth week with this broken knee cap. I am trying to keep my chin up. But as I have stated before, my independent nature doesn't like being at the mercy of other people. Traveling in the motor home holds its own share of difficulties with my current condition. Getting around on crutches while moving is virtually impossible. Getting to "my side" of the bed can be treacherous. I can't get in and out of the shower without help and that is one of the worst parts for me. Getting in and out of the motor home in and of itself is a challenge that is met with only once a day. Twice at the complete outside and only if completely necessary.


However in all of this, I've learned several different things. I've learned that it's ok to ask others for help and not feel completely guilty about it. Not that I would take advantage of this if I were able to do for myself. It's ok to say, "No I just can't do anymore." I have a horrible habit of saying "yes" and going until I'm practically sick. It's ok to rely less on me and more on Jimmy. (or sometimes Devin) But mainly, its ok to rely less on me and more on Him!


There have been several obstacles that have come up in this last month besides my broken knee and car. I have sat back and said, "Ok God, I realize You want to teach me something but if you could let up just a bit, I'd be really grateful." Those are the times God tells me, "It's because I want you to quit relying on you and your ability." Which is something I already know but apparently need reminding of from time to time.  My ability is sorely lacking at the moment but in Him, it lacks incessantly in comparison. He is so much bigger than my small mind and abilities can imagine. Why do I even think about relying on myself?


So while I wait, I'll keep on trying to imagine like I'm already home where I don't have to worry about such silly things. All I have to do is rest in the arms of One who loves me far more than I'm worth.

Updates and Interesting Signs

We drive to Lexington to see Jimmy's family several times a year and there is a church sign along our way that always grabs my attention but probably not for the reason this particular church would like. I thought I'd post it on here and let everyone see it. I've made the name of the actual church obscured for obvious reasons. I'm not going to share my personal opinions about it because if you know me, you know how I feel.

As for my own personal well being, I'm still here, still have a broken knee but still listening. I'm amazed by God's blessings in the midst of all this. I'm grateful for a husband that is willing to help me by pretty much doing everything that requires movement and for being my own personal taxi. I'm grateful for friends who come to me since I can't get to them. I'm grateful because maybe these are the ways He is speaking to me now.

Broken Knees and Listening Ears

Many of you know that I wrecked our car last week. I was not texting! I knew I had hurt my knee somehow but had no idea that I would end up with a fractured knee cap. I keep saying, "Who breaks their knee cap???" But clearly the answer is me and a surprising number of people that either I know or someone I know, knows. Fortunately at this point, its nothing more serious. Thank you Lord! 

I'm just going to be honest... it hurts! A LOT!!! I pretend I'm tough because anything else makes me feel like a baby. I try not to take the pain medicine because it makes me so sleepy. My muscles around it are bothering me because I can't use them. I have a hard time doing anything. There is no waiting until the last minute to shower, get down the stairs or even go to the restroom. Everything takes much longer. It's a ten or fifteen minute process just to get out of bed. 

I end up having some sort of emotional breakdown almost daily. Sometimes the breakdown is because I haven't taken enough of my pain medicine and the pain becomes overwhelming. Sometimes its because of my anxiety over the accident and surrounding issues. We have to find a new vehicle (although they haven't said yet that it's definitely totaled.) Of course, as most do, I have tremendous anxiety over the financial end of things. Sometimes its because I'm frustrated with all this. My frustration exists on several levels. I hate being in pain, as most people do. I get frustrated that my body won't let me do what it normally does. I hate feeling like an invalid! I hate the fact that Jimmy has to do everything for me. Or that if Jimmy and I are out somewhere, friends have to drive me home because I am in too much pain to stay. I need a pedicure or something but I can't reach my toes. I can't get a glass of water because I can't carry it back to where I was and work my crutches at the same time. 

The Lord is clearly teaching me to lean on Him more. I sure thought that I had done that the whole time. But obviously there is still part of me desiring to do things in and of myself. So as I sit here dependent on everyone else, I'm listening.

Don't worry about anything. Instead, tell God about everything. Ask and pray. Give thanks to Him. Then God's peace will watch over your hearts and your minds because you belong to Christ Jesus. God's peace can never be completely understood. Phil. 4:6-7