Like Mary

Luke 10:40-42 (NASB)

But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her."

I spent much of the last week thinking about what I would write next on here. I kept feeling in my heart that I just wanted to hear His voice, hear Him speak to me and tell me what to do next. So many times I feel like Martha. I am so busy "doing"... stuff for the group, for my friends or family, for my clients. All the things that pull me in a million different directions. I get so caught up in the "doing," I forget to make time for the "listening" or "basking." Often because I feel like I don't have any time left. Each day is so full of all the things that "need to be done." How many of us are exactly the same way? I'm calling myself out... nobody else... and yet I know that many, if not most, people I know, are in the same cycle I am. Clamoring about, making preparations, not understanding why He doesn't say SOMETHING... ANYTHING! We feel lost and alone, and often lonely. (understanding that alone and lonely aren't necessarily equivalent.) I just want to be Mary for a while.

I want to, not just find the time but, MAKE the time to listen to Him. Make the time to give Him an opportunity to speak to me. Take the time to speak to Him. Not that I don't pray or speak to Him at all, but I do know that I should take more time than I do. 

When I first met Jimmy, I couldn't wait for him to call me. I wouldn't call him until after we got engaged. I wanted him to WANT to talk to me, so I would wait. The phone would finally ring with the special ring that I had given him and my heart would leap into my chest. I can still vividly remember the day he called me before I went in to sing one night. I can remember where I was and where I was sitting in that big, brown, Eagle bus I traveled in. He said, "I couldn't wait until later to hear your voice." I smile every time I think about that. I still smile when I hear his ring. And to know that God feels that way about me and wants to speak to me more than I probably allow is wonderful and terrible all at the same time. It's so unbelievable that He gives me such amazing memories about my husband. It's so wonderful to know He feels just like that about me. It's terrible to know and realize the amount of times I've let Him down or missed His "call." 

I just want to be Mary for a while. Correction... I NEED to be Mary for a while.

What to say...

Jimmy is known to be the writer between the two of us. But sometimes, I have things I want to say. Whether they are out of serious contemplation in my own heart and mind or serious irritation with what or whomever, will remain to be seen. I just feel like I sit in the background a bit sometimes with things and have decided to make a concerted effort to change that. Jimmy says I can be very wise so I guess I can throw it out to an unsuspecting public and see if it's true.

A dear friend recently said to me during a conversation, "God only gives you what He knows He can trust you with." Basically, in context of the conversation, it was Matthew 25:23b "You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things." We have recently been at an event where it seems there are so many aspiring to the "next big thing." Whether it be the next big concert or number one song or bigger, better bus. Yes I'd be lying to say I wasn't interested in that possibility. Who wouldn't want their song to go number one? And yet all the while I kept thinking, "If that is your focus, then what is the point?" I have said to numerous people who dream of doing what I do, "You can't love singing enough. It has to be a calling." If your only point is the success as the world sees it, then I say, stop now. It's too hard. There are too many times that dates fall through. There are too many times that the truck, motorhome or bus will break down. There are too many times when the church people or even the pastor of where you are singing doesn't really want you there. They just came to claim their pew. Too many times when there is more "love" than "offering." There are too many times when the ultimate reward is in Heaven. If your eyes are on the earth, its just too hard. 

But when its a calling from God, its something entirely different. The calling I have is about reaching a lost world for Him. It's about letting people know they are never too far away to just simply turn around and He is there. It's about letting someone know, they aren't the only person in the world who has experienced what they may be going through. And sometimes I am the one that gets encouraged because you remind me that I'm not the only one. THAT is the point for me! God is able, as Jimmy says night after night, to wrap His arms around ANYTHING that we can hand Him! All the number one songs and bigger buses can do NOTHING to change that fact. If that is where your focus is then at what point does God have the ability to say, "Yes, you were faithful over the small things so I will give you the bigger that you want." Do you have stars in your eyes and interested in the bigger better thing? If so, then when exactly do you expect God to trust you with more?

Now this may sound very critical. I have just been thinking lately on a lot of things. Maybe, checking myself would be a better way to put it. I have discovered something. As far as this world goes, I have a wonderful husband, comfortable place to live, great family (in spite of imperfection) I get to do what I love to do and I have something safe to travel and do that in. But in God's eyes, I'm not content! There are things that you have to know. I want you to know that He loves you more than you can begin to imagine. I want you to know that you may have done things that seem unforgivable and yet, He does! I want you to know that the junk you are going through right now is shaping who you are and what your testimony will be later. I want you to know that He is there even when you feel alone.

This is probably a bit heavy for a first posting but this is my "reality." My reality is that sometimes life is serious and sometimes it's funny. Sometimes life is heavy and sometimes it's light. Sometimes you just have to decide what the point is for you. Where is your focus? What is your point?