Luke 10:40-42 (NASB)
But Martha was distracted with all her preparations; and she came up to Him and said, "Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me." But the Lord answered and said to her, "Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her."
I spent much of the last week thinking about what I would write next on here. I kept feeling in my heart that I just wanted to hear His voice, hear Him speak to me and tell me what to do next. So many times I feel like Martha. I am so busy "doing"... stuff for the group, for my friends or family, for my clients. All the things that pull me in a million different directions. I get so caught up in the "doing," I forget to make time for the "listening" or "basking." Often because I feel like I don't have any time left. Each day is so full of all the things that "need to be done." How many of us are exactly the same way? I'm calling myself out... nobody else... and yet I know that many, if not most, people I know, are in the same cycle I am. Clamoring about, making preparations, not understanding why He doesn't say SOMETHING... ANYTHING! We feel lost and alone, and often lonely. (understanding that alone and lonely aren't necessarily equivalent.) I just want to be Mary for a while.
I want to, not just find the time but, MAKE the time to listen to Him. Make the time to give Him an opportunity to speak to me. Take the time to speak to Him. Not that I don't pray or speak to Him at all, but I do know that I should take more time than I do.
When I first met Jimmy, I couldn't wait for him to call me. I wouldn't call him until after we got engaged. I wanted him to WANT to talk to me, so I would wait. The phone would finally ring with the special ring that I had given him and my heart would leap into my chest. I can still vividly remember the day he called me before I went in to sing one night. I can remember where I was and where I was sitting in that big, brown, Eagle bus I traveled in. He said, "I couldn't wait until later to hear your voice." I smile every time I think about that. I still smile when I hear his ring. And to know that God feels that way about me and wants to speak to me more than I probably allow is wonderful and terrible all at the same time. It's so unbelievable that He gives me such amazing memories about my husband. It's so wonderful to know He feels just like that about me. It's terrible to know and realize the amount of times I've let Him down or missed His "call."
I just want to be Mary for a while. Correction... I NEED to be Mary for a while.